I couldn't see it until she said it out loud
I'm sat at the kitchen counter writing to you while the kids and Ben are playing with the new to us 1980s tractor we got a few weeks ago.
Ben spent weeks researching, messaging and learning about different types of tractors, how they hold their value (or not) and where our budget was going to land us.
He ended up purchasing a fixer-upper, which, for his former mechanic self has been a real thrill.
He comes back to the house smelling like diesel with grease all over his clothes and I can quite literally see satisfaction radiating from his being.
Last night he exuberantly shared that the $3500 he paid for the tractor was a "steal" given that the people in the forums he's now a part of were valuing it at around $10K.
I'll be honest, when it rolled up and had moss growing in the driver's seat - I was curious what kind of deal it really was.
Clearly, I am no tractor expert, but my husband and kids are on top of the world and that's all that matters.
She's also blue and little rusty and got that farmer chic thing going on and I've fall in love with her too.
This tractor experience got me thinking about business and my clients when they ask me what I think they should do next in their businesses...
My answer these days always begins with asking 1 of 3 things:
How does that feel to you?
Does it align with what you really want to be doing?
If you play the tape out - does this move match the original vision?
Something I've noticed a lot in myself and in my clients is that we have a tendency to "notch down" our marketing strategies or our launch plans as an almost natural instinct.
It's something I have learned to listen for...
The client who triumphantly shares her latest download and *exactly* how she sees it unfolding...
And then something happens.
She changes her mind.
She hedges.
She takes her original goal and cuts it in half.
Some might call this self-sabotage, but I've discovered it's a actually reflection of something more specific and deeply rooted in a pattern we develop along the way - most especially - as empaths who grew up feeling emotionally isolated or abandoned.
I predominantly work with Gen X and Millenials and this is a consistent theme I have come across for those raised by the Boomer generation - whom, in their own right enacted a new level of care in their parenting, but very classically had little to offer in the realm of hands-on emotional support.
PS - If you were someone who received this - you are a rarity.
As parents raising the next generation, our new frontier has been not only meeting and supporting our children in the most conscious and awake way possible - but forging into the forest of our own awakening.
It is awe-inspiring to witness the collective wake-up call that has emerged around emotional awareness, collective care and healing work that so many of you reading this email not only have personally walked but are now facilitating for others.
In a recent session with my coach, as we dug into content strategy, she hit the pause button and lovingly called me out for this very same pattern...
Her words to me,
"I am witnessing the deep conditioning that keeps you from centering your own lived experience - even in the stories you tell about your life and your business."
It hit me like a bus.
Because she was dead on.
It's why writing these emails to you can feel torturous in moments.
It's why writing poetry is easier than personal narrative.
It's why creating content feels like such a heavy lift most days.
It's why I have to really make sure that I'm sending in the truest version of myself and not the representative.
And I know I am not alone in this.
If your conditioning looked like:
Emotional isolation
Others' needs transcending your own
Living in a world where no one was asking you how you felt or when/if you expressed it they told you all of the reasons why you shouldn't feel that way...
This is likely a pattern you experience too.
And I can promise you, with 100% assurance, that it's impacting your business - the ways you do or don't show up in your work and the stories you're willing to tell.
Most of all, it's impacting what you will allow yourself to OWN, DESIRE and CREATE.
There is a transcendence required - often jokingly referred to as being "delusional" in these internet streets - in order to really cross over the threshold of deep and true embodiment.
But this pattern...while oftentimes wretched to reckon with - is also a glowing invitation for real personal liberation.
Here's how to know this one is alive for you, do you find yourself:
Chronically deflecting compliments?
Feeling perpetual guilt for having needs?
Negotiating every, single thing you do in your life with yourself making sure there's a "win/win" for others?
Putting off the thing you know you want to do, have or be over and over again?
Saying no when you mean yes or constantly changing your mind?
Hiding in plain sight, struggling to create content or offers from a place of personal power?
Questioning what you want to share - looking for examples and getting so frustrated you never really land?
Gahhh....so uncomfy, I know.
But it's the flashing red sign, love...
It's the lesson that lands when the student is ready to see.
This summer was a breakthrough era for me.
The final bits of this pattern came into focus in a concentrated way so I could clean it up and experience my next level of personal liberation.
And I want you to know that...
When we meet our deeply conditioned patterns head on - the compounding effect of the work we've been so committed to begins to comes together in real time.
There's a strength that awaits, a richness and abundance, a sacred exhale.
I want you to know that this work is the doorway to your dream business, your dream income, your dreamiest life.
And it's the gift that keeps on giving...
If you're ready for the pin point, unravel, breakthrough moment of your own, I have a few spots remaining on my 1:1 coaching roster.
Wishing you a beautiful week ahead!
xo
Amber