The vows we make to ourselves

Last year, I made a vow to commit myself fully to the most important pursuits of my life.

When I sat in the newfound quiet that 2020 brought with it, I discovered that there were two major areas of my life I had been putting off due to other obligations paired with a healthy dose of fear.

The tricky part was, it was easy to put these things off because they felt so hard.

They required me to get honest about what it was I really wanted in the big picture of my life.

And, as you know, when we do that we simultaneously open ourselves up to the possibility of the crushing heartbreak that comes with things possibly not working out.

I had been waiting on these two most important next steps because I was afraid, until I remembered that fear is, oftentimes, the only confirmation we need to proceed.

So here we are, on January 24, 2021 and I am up before the sun getting ready for my last ultrasound and bloodwork appointment before our IVF retrieval and transfer this week in attempt to grow our family. 

Saying yes and deciding to go for it with grace and gratitude is what I must do. 

I could not be more overjoyed for the privilege and honor of getting to do this. 

The second BIG thing is that the book I've been writing since 2016 is coming in April.

It's called Paddle Home: Surrendering to the Stream of Our True Being and the way it began is so different from what it has become.

Writing this book has been one of my favorite things about the last year of my life.

What I've learned through handing myself over in this way is that we are always being lead on the path in ways that don't make sense until we're in motion. 

Getting honest about why I was stalling around these two majorly important areas of my life (for yearsssss) was the doorway.

Putting down what distracted and depleted me was too.

So here I am, vulnerably, courageously and humbly sharing my heart, my truth and my soul with you.

I wrote a poem that feels like a commentary on one of the biggest shifts that has opened me to these new ways of living and creating.

I'm so happy to share it, I hope you enjoy it. 

Cease All Striving

Exhaustion reigns supreme in a world that values what's out more than what's in.
Fatigue fades us into the shadows of our truest selves.
The wisest parts of us are whispering, "There has to be another way."

And then it arrives...
The wake up to shake up.
The emboldened invitation to cease all striving.

There is no departure needed when the yes belongs to you.
There is no overcompensation when we listen for the melody of our own soul.

Put on a song that brings you back.
Drop your phone in the drawer.
Unplug from the cycle of never-ending needs.

Swing open the doorway to your own golden center.
Rest your bones in the quiet for a while.
Listen for the beat of your own heart.
Take your time and breathe.

You have journeyed many miles to get here.

Efforting for what isn’t is a form of self-torture.
To strive is to assume deficiency.
There is nothing lacking about you.

A rejuvenated you is the most glorious wellspring of possibility that exists.
Fill yourself to the brim.
Beam with the radiance of your own radical wisdom.

xo